The School Play
by OMGLemmingBus
Summary: When Dante and Vergil's teacher is recovering in hospital, Dante takes over the role of directing the school play. A recipe for disaster, surely. AU when the twins are still in school and Sparda and Eva are alive, crack-ish.


THE SCHOOL PLAY

Disclaimer: I don't own devil may cry.

It was a (relatively) normal summer day. Dante was leaping from desk to desk in the classroom despite Vergil's protests and making enough noise to wake the dead. For some strange reason, their teacher had not yet appeared and Dante and the other kids were taking full advantage of that fact. Suddenly the door burst open and a tall stick-thin figure marched in. Immediately all of the class sat down in their proper seats. All that is, except Dante. He had failed to notice the arrival of their gaunt, pure evil, headmistress.

"Sit down this instant, Dante." She snapped, glaring at the younger of . Shocked, Dante fell off the desk and into his seat, making Vergil roll his eyes. "I have some unfortunate news." The scary lady began, glaring at each and every one of the students. "Your teacher was involved in an accident on her way to school this morning." The class just looked at her blankly.

"She was hit by a bus." The Head clarified. There was a moment of silence. "We have arranged for a supply teacher to take your class until Mrs Ville has recovered enough to resume teaching. There will…" The headmistress paused as Dante stuck his hand in the air.

"What about the school play?" He asked.

"Your supply teacher will handle that." She paused as if thinking something through. "I would appreciate it if you co-operated fully."

Dante smiled innocently as she glared at him. The only thing that came to close to beating pizza on Dante's list of favourites, was winding up supply teachers. The door to the classroom opened and in stepped a tall, bald man who looked as if he would rather be anywhere except where he was at that moment. He was holding a red covered book. The headmistress swept out leaving the supply teacher to direct the class.

He sat down at the desk and pulled out the register. He looked up at the class, did a quick head count before putting the register away, not bothering to do it. After reading a note that Mrs Ville had made in her notebook, he looked back at the class who were staring at him.

"Which one of you is Vergil?" He asked slowly. Dante immediately stuck his hand up in the air before Vergil could react. "Right. You're in charge of the school play." The supply teacher said and left them to it, starting to read his book. He began to mutter the word 'fear' multiple times under his breath.

Dante grinned and stood up on his desk. "Right you lot." He began, unaware of the look of utter despair on his twin's face. "I'm in charge so let's get to work and make this play something that the teachers will remember forever!"

"But not in a good way." Vergil muttered as the rest of the class cheered. Dante ignored him.

"I'll be the director of course!" He announced triumphantly. The other kids nodded enthusiastically, unwilling to get on the most popular guy in school's bad side.

"What play are we going to do?" One of them called out. Dante posed dramatically, stroking his chin and starting to think but Vergil interrupted before he could make up his mind.

"We're supposed to do Romeo and Juliet." He pointed to a note on the teacher's desk, ignoring the strange statements that the bald man was randomly reading out.

Dante sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. What fun. "Alright. Vergil, I'm putting you in charge of writing the script because I hate Shakespeare." Vergil nodded, deciding that it would be best for him to make up the script. He was probably the only one who'd ever read the play and God alone knew what Dante would come up with. He went off to the computer room to write.

When Vergil came back an hour later the classroom was chaos. A small group of people were busy making props and Dante had somehow managed to get his hands on a megaphone. Vergil shook his head and looked for the supply teacher who was supposed to be keeping order. However, the desk was unoccupied. Frowning, he made his way over to the desk Dante was standing on, wincing as his brother shouted several commands at a few kids chasing each other around the room.

"Where did the supply teacher go?" Vergil asked, handing Dante the script. Dante took it and lowered the megaphone.

"I don't know. He said something like 'Fear, blah blah blah, tower of fear, blah, staff room, blah blah blah, fear.'" Dante paused and pointed to something in the script. "Excellent Vergil! Great work!" He tossed the script over his shoulder. "I think he's in the staff room…"

"What was that for?" Vergil stared at Dante as his masterpiece was lost under a sea of green tissue paper. Dante just smiled.

"We're not doing anything by boring Shakespeare. I've decided that we'll do Robin Hood." Dante paused. "The Musical." Vergil could only stare as Dante raised the megaphone and started shouting instructions once more. "I'll be Robin!"

"But…but…" Vergil started to object but Dante cut him off with a wave of his hand.

"I'll put it this way: Would you rather be Romeo or the Sheriff of Nottingham?" He smirked, picking up the megaphone again. Vergil fumed silently. A musical? What the hell was Dante thinking? This was not going to go well….

--

Two days later, the production of the school play was going better than Vergil had anticipated. Though, to be honest, he hadn't expected much… Dante had decided that his true calling in life was to perform on stage as Robin Hood and assumed his role with typical enthusiasm.

If you could call painting your legs green enthusiastic…

Dante had managed to trick the supply teacher, Mr Arkham, into giving him the key to the drama storeroom. Well, tricked wasn't the right word. The bald teacher had been fixated on his book and hadn't noticed Dante grab the keys from his pocket.

When Vergil had seen the smoke machine that Dante was dragging into the school hall, however, he decided that enough was enough and confiscated the keys.

"But Vergil!" Dante protested loudly. "The smoke will give the forest a proper misty effect!" The older brother didn't reply, only pushed the machine back into the storeroom and locked the door. Dante pouted. "I'll tell mum you're not helping with the school play."

"Is that supposed to persuade me?" Vergil asked, sitting back down in the director's seat. Since Dante was the main character he shouted orders at the others while he was acting, leaving the seat free for Vergil.

Dante huffed and left to direct the play.

--

Vergil sighed heavily as he watched his classmates mess up yet another scene. Really, it wasn't that hard to learn your lines and stick to them.

"I can't believe it." He prompted on of the actors who nodded at him nervously and repeated the line. The next person looked hesitantly at Vergil who sighed loudly again. He told them their lines as well. He himself had learnt all of his lines ages ago. If nothing else to get Dante off his case. Thankfully, the evil Sheriff of Nottingham didn't have a very big part to play.

He was re-reading his lines, in preparation for his scene when suddenly Dante appeared behind him. Vergil glanced over his shoulder, suspicious of the wide grin plastered over his brother's face.

"What?" He asked. Dante leaned over, scribbling something under Vergil's penultimate line before bounding off to shout at people to change the scenery. Frowning, Vergil tilted the script, angling it under the light. Really, Dante's handwriting was appalling. Eventually, he managed to make out the words:

_Sheriff's song: I'll make them pay._

There was a pause. A very long pause. A pause in which Vergil's jaw dropped and his younger brother's words came floating back to him. _"Robin Hood. The musical."_

"Come on people!" Dante yelled, in the middle of one of his motivating speeches. Well, at least Dante thought they were motivating. "We only have four weeks to get this perfect. I want to see that market stall brought on stage as quick as possible. WITHOUT any apples falling on the floor." He added glaring at the guy who kept tripping over while carrying it.

"Dante…" A voice began, dangerously low. "What is this?" Dante looked over his shoulder to see a very murderous looking Vergil standing behind him. In his hand was the script that Dante had scrawled the song over. The young actor smiled to himself. He knew that Vergil would object to acting in public. But he would object even more if he had to _sing_ in front of people.

"That?" He enquired innocently. "That's your song, Verge."

"Dante." Vergil repeated. "I. Don't. Sing." Dante turned round fully, giving his brother his full attention. This would take some talking…

"Yes you do. You agreed to be the Sheriff. This is a musical you know." He replied grinning. "You're going to back out?" Vergil glared.

"Yes. You didn't tell me that I would have to sing." Dante shook his head.

"You're just chicken. You're scared of looking stupid." He teased. Vergil closed his eyes briefly. His pride would suffer for backing out, certainly, but not nearly as much as it would if he went through with this.

"I'm not doing it, Dante." He told his brother. But to his surprise, Dante's grin just got wider.

"Oh yes you are." Dante slung his arm round his twin's shoulder. "Because if you don't… I'll tell mum about the incident with the razor, the rabid mongoose and the washing machine." Vergil paled, even more so than usual.

"You wouldn't…" He began, voice not louder than a whisper. Dante smiled, unhooking his arm from around his brother's shoulders, knowing that he had won.

"It's your choice, Vergil." He called over his shoulder as he walked back to the stage. Vergil blinked as he watched his brother go. Dante had just blackmailed him. Effectively blackmailed him at that. It looked as though he would have to go through with this after all.

Dante lifted the megaphone to his lips as classmates around him scuttled into their places. "Calling the Sheriff to scene 4. I repeat: Sheriff to scene 4."

--

Author's note:

Heheheheh…. Totally not insane. Just sanity impaired. But review and tell us what you think? (Yes, there are two of us. God help the world.) Should this be continued?


End file.
